Changes

Some are good changes, like growth in my son. He now knows how to "say" sorry by patting the offended person gently, is able to obey commands such as sit, stand, arms up, lie down, come, pick up the 'whatever' for mummy, point to the 'whatever', wave bye bye, hug, kiss and others (which I can't remember at the moment). He recognizes things he learns from the "Your Baby Can Read" videos.

Also, Joash has fads. He'll suddenly learn something and keep doing it and just as suddenly, get bored with it and stop doing it. I call him a "Mood Baby". He has got a mind of his own. Sometimes, it's hard to to gauge how much he has learnt because him refusing to do something (will shake his head when he refuses), does not necessarily means he doesn't know how to. He just decides not to.

Now, there are even more changes in store for him. Due to the pending arrival of the second baby, he'll need to do some growing up. Since I dun want him to blame the baby for the changes, I have to implement them early enough and space them out so that he has some break between each change.

1) Upgrade to his toddler bed and give up his playpen which used to his bed.
I expect a time of adjustment with his new-found freedom during bedtime. He can climb out of his bed while he cannot get out of the playpen. The room may be a mess for quite a while till the novelty of nightime exploration fizzles off.

2) Learns to be bathed while standing up and give up his bath tub.
This is going to be a challenge as he hates having water on his face. Also, brushing is going to be so much harder without the luxury of pinning him down onto a flat surface.

3) Goes to the half-day school at 18 months old
The beginning will be tough when he falls sick easily as he will become exposed to more germs. I just pray that he'll be better by the time the second baby is born.

I've decided to postpone toilet training till after the baby is born and routine has stabilized cos I dun wanna tax him with too many changes at a time. God, pls grant me the wisdom to make these transitions smooth for all of our sakes!

Chinese New Year 2009

This year's CNY is different in that both Joash and myself can't really enjoy it as much. For him, being sick makes him very sticky to Joshua and I which meant he can't enjoy other people's company like he normally does. For me, being easily tired and nauseous, I can't enjoy the new year's goodies and most other food prepared. I'm simply grateful I can last the day without incident and eat a FEW things to fill my stomach. But all in all, God's grace abound and I'm glad to have Joshua with me while Joash is still sick.

Here's the CNY clothes my SIL bought for him from Hong Kong. It's so big that we had to pin up his trousers with paper clips to prevent him from falling down every time he walked! I'm sure he can still wear it next CNY... Hahahaha...

FAMILY PHOTOS

First Fever

Joash has never come down with fever, not even when he was teething or after injection. So I panicked when his temperature went up to 40 degrees last night! The doc says he has sore throat which explains the fever as his body is fighting the infection. It's indeed rare to see him so ill that he could not play well. Even when he had running nose in the past, we always commented that he did not look like he was sick at all as he remained as cheerful as usual.

But now, he is listless, wants to be carried all the time, hardly eats anything, not even milk, is crying a lot and sleeps fitfully. I literally have to rise to the occasion to care for Joash by myself despite my weakened state as I wouldn't want him to spread the virus to anyone else. May God heal quickly in time for him to enjoy the CNY...

Jeremiah 17:14
"Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise."

The valley of darkness

That's exactly what I'm experiencing: The valley of darkness. Seldom in my Christian walk have I suffered so much.

Since I have constant nausea and discomfort, sleep is elusive. Every day is a battle to get through without fainting or simply crumbling from the suffering. Every night is yet another battle to get to sleep despite my ailments. Many a night, I lay awake, tormented by the urge to vomit or a raging headache while my husband snore away, blissfully unaware of my struggles. That's when suicidal thoughts assail my fragile mind and tears besiege my eyes. I cry out to Him every so often.

Sitting still is another torture too. I can't rest. The discomfort gets to me even more when I'm immobile. I even had to pace the back of the auditorium during service in order to finish listening to the sermon.

But then again, how can God's grace shine through clearly unless we're weak and dwelling in the valley of darkness?

Psalm 23:4
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

It's amazing how God provides timely help from Christians friends even from those who live far away. Even those whom I do not know personally but have heard of my predicament in caring for Joash alone in my state of suffering. How to explain this warm help from the family of God unless it is by the provision of my Lord almighty? How to explain why I'm still alive and the baby is well despite my pre-natal depression?

I still can't see the light of at the end of the tunnel but I only know one thing: God is with me.

1st Bualuku

Yesterday, we thought to let Joash finally have a haircut in the salon. Even though it's only been slightly more than a month since I cut his hair, it's getting long again. So I figured that we should give him a nice "professional" haircut for CNY.

I totally regretted that decision.

Joash was very upset with the plastic sheet that was meant to protect his clothes from all the hair and fought with the hairdresser while she was trying to put it on him. I tried distracting him with some sweets in my hands (which meant that my hands was not free to hold him). Joshua was busy trying to get payment done when it happened. I was perhaps also retarded in my reaction due to my nauseous and weakened state so when Joash leaned forward to run away, no one was there to catch him and he leapt off the chair, head first to the floor.

I remember feeling the blood drained from my face when I heard the loud thud and his big wail. When I regained enough composure to carry him from the floor, I felt like crying too.

For the first time in his young life, he had a bump on his forehead. Not that he has never fallen before but they were never serious to leave a bump on his thick head. Thank God he seemed fine after I carried him for a long while. (I nearly fainted myself from the exertion but I felt so "emo" and teary that he was clinging onto me for dear life)

So for the time being, I'll still be his hairdresser. At least I have been getting the job done without him getting hurt...

SO SICK

So sick...
nauseanauseanauseanauseanausea
can't eat, nauseous
eat a bit, puke
nauseanauseanauseanauseanausea
can't sleep
nauseanauseanauseanauseanausea
Joash, Mummy cannot always carry you
Joash, dun step on mummy's tummy
Joash, pls dun cry
nauseanauseanauseanauseanausea
LSconstipatedLSLSLSLSLSLSconstipated
nauseanauseanauseanauseanausea
carry Joash
dizzy
faint
wake up
Joash, pls dun cry
Here's a computer mouse to play with
nauseanauseanauseanauseanausea
Is this what hell is like?
When is it ever going to end?
24/7
nauseanauseanauseanauseanausea
depression
Joash, mummy can't play with you
Joash, pls dun cry
more depression
Joash, mummy can't bring you out
Joash, pls dun cry
worse depression
Somebody save me...
ok, ok
I surrender.
No more babies after this one.
So can I dun suffer anymore?
nauseanauseanauseanauseanauseanausea...

Bamm Bamm

Doesn't he look just like the character Bamm Bamm in The Flintstones?

Walking steadily

As I watch with fondness at Joash's toddling steps, I am acutely aware that he is leaving his babyhood behind and starting a new phase of his life. Seeing how he enjoys the company of others especially children, I am making plans to let him go for a half-day playgroup when he hits 18 months so that he can enjoy learning with other kids. Even as I anticipate the arrival of another new life in the family, I can feel the dynamics of our family life beginning to change. All these new revelations make me apprehensive but indeed, we must walk by faith, just as my son has begun to so...