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Saturday, March 7, 2009

Missing out

Is it even possible to feel soooo tired even after resting so much? This pregnancy is really taking its toll on my body. As much as possible, I parcel out the care of Joash to others, such as to my husband, my MIL and an ex-churchmate who is helping me a couple of hours every weekday. Even then, I feel so worn out all the time...

I really miss playing with Joash. I miss going out to different places and see different things with him. I even miss disciplining him properly when he misbehaves! I now have no energy to give him proper guidance when he plays the fool. Even though I see him everyday, I feel like I'm knowing him less and less as I cease to engage him totally. I'm just so sad. It almost seems like in the short time that I'm pregnant, my cute little chipmunk has turned suddenly into a strong-willed, mischievous toddler who wants to run wild and I'm powerless to stop him!

The little one inside me is also sorely neglected as I become so preoccupied with simply surviving yet another day. Even though I have been feeling its active movements since week 14, I simply cannot muster up the joy I used to experience when I was expecting Joash. In fact, its movements make me feel very uncomfortable most of the time.

I really hope that I'll get back to my normal self with decent amount of energy after giving birth to make up for lost time with both my children. May God completely take over and watch over their growth while I'm unable to do so in my present state... My Lord, I'm afraid this custodian of yours is unable to perform her duty for the time being.

1 comment:

Grace said...

Hi, press on! Praying that God will give you sufficient strength to do what you can. I think it's also challenging now cos our little babies are approaching their Terrible Twos, but God will bring you through. Thank God that you have caring ppl to take care of Joash. Jiayou!!