I testify of God's faithfulness and goodness!
The past half a year had been really nightmarish in many aspects. As I mentioned before, it was a walk through the valley of darkness with my acute pregnancy ailments. With me unable to care for Joash as per normal, he probably felt "abandoned" by me. He must have been thinking: "Why isn't Mummy carrying me anymore? Why isn't she playing with me as much and keeps lying down? What happened to hide and seek and going out for trips? Why are there so many different aunties coming to our house and play with me instead of Mummy?"
My emotions were so out of control especially the time when my pre-natal depression was at its peak and I could not stop screaming at Joash for being fussy. But my Abba Father in heaven was merciful to remind me of Psalms 23 and prompted me through the Holy Spirit to recite it till I calmed down. Praise God that it worked and I could resume caring for him despite my depression. It was an incident I pray would never happen again with the help of my mighty God. I shudder whenever I think of how much the frightening episode could have prolonged if not for God's intervention. I'm grateful that Joash seemed to have recovered from his shock quite quickly after I regained my sanity.
But through these tough times, God causes good things to happen too:
1) It taught me about letting go. We are but stewards of the children God gave us and in time to come, there'll be stages of letting go as they grow up and become independent. I learn to trust that God is the only One who can ultimately be with Joash all the time.
2) I see how God causes my husband, Joshua to rise up as the head of the family and take care of Joash and I. He had been the most amazing husband: giving up his own leisure and rest to care for Joash whenever he's home, massaging me almost every night to ease my discomforts, taking over the chores when I couldn't complete them and saying 'no' to activities that he would have enjoyed doing but would have tired me out or made things difficult in caring for Joash. The most wonderful things is he does it all without complain! It has truly deepened the love and respect between Joshua and I as we weather through the storms together.
3) Joash is now so much closer to Joshua than before my pregnancy due to the extra time he spent taking care of his son. Joash now shares that sweet bright grin with Joshua when it was only reserved for me in the past. He is also willing to kiss and hug his Daddy while before, he would only do that for me. I'm truly glad to see this great improvement in their father-son relationship.
4) Despite all the problems and the need to adjust to many things for both Joash and I, our relationship, by the grace of God, has not suffered in the process. I'm grateful to God for giving me supernatural strength to give Joash tender loving care when the need arises and allowing Joash to respond in trust and love towards me in spite of all my limitations. I love the precious moments that I enjoy constantly with Joash: the hugs and kisses we share when Joshua brings Joash to our room in the mornings, Joash running in delight into my arms, the sparkle I see in his eyes whenever he sees me, Joash looking for comfort from me when he hurt himself and babbling to me as if telling me of his complaint, the way Joash embraces me from behind and when I pretend I couldn't find him, he'll pop his head to my side and give me a cheeky grin... There are just so much that I can thank God for!!!
5) I've so many Christian friends who helped me regularly and prayed for me that I dun know how to thank them all! One acquaintance from a church mothers' group I join gave me "The Bible Promise Book" and it really helped me during the darkest moments of my pregnancy journey. There were many verses which I clung onto and Psalms 9:9 was one of them:
The past half a year had been really nightmarish in many aspects. As I mentioned before, it was a walk through the valley of darkness with my acute pregnancy ailments. With me unable to care for Joash as per normal, he probably felt "abandoned" by me. He must have been thinking: "Why isn't Mummy carrying me anymore? Why isn't she playing with me as much and keeps lying down? What happened to hide and seek and going out for trips? Why are there so many different aunties coming to our house and play with me instead of Mummy?"
My emotions were so out of control especially the time when my pre-natal depression was at its peak and I could not stop screaming at Joash for being fussy. But my Abba Father in heaven was merciful to remind me of Psalms 23 and prompted me through the Holy Spirit to recite it till I calmed down. Praise God that it worked and I could resume caring for him despite my depression. It was an incident I pray would never happen again with the help of my mighty God. I shudder whenever I think of how much the frightening episode could have prolonged if not for God's intervention. I'm grateful that Joash seemed to have recovered from his shock quite quickly after I regained my sanity.
But through these tough times, God causes good things to happen too:
1) It taught me about letting go. We are but stewards of the children God gave us and in time to come, there'll be stages of letting go as they grow up and become independent. I learn to trust that God is the only One who can ultimately be with Joash all the time.
2) I see how God causes my husband, Joshua to rise up as the head of the family and take care of Joash and I. He had been the most amazing husband: giving up his own leisure and rest to care for Joash whenever he's home, massaging me almost every night to ease my discomforts, taking over the chores when I couldn't complete them and saying 'no' to activities that he would have enjoyed doing but would have tired me out or made things difficult in caring for Joash. The most wonderful things is he does it all without complain! It has truly deepened the love and respect between Joshua and I as we weather through the storms together.
3) Joash is now so much closer to Joshua than before my pregnancy due to the extra time he spent taking care of his son. Joash now shares that sweet bright grin with Joshua when it was only reserved for me in the past. He is also willing to kiss and hug his Daddy while before, he would only do that for me. I'm truly glad to see this great improvement in their father-son relationship.
4) Despite all the problems and the need to adjust to many things for both Joash and I, our relationship, by the grace of God, has not suffered in the process. I'm grateful to God for giving me supernatural strength to give Joash tender loving care when the need arises and allowing Joash to respond in trust and love towards me in spite of all my limitations. I love the precious moments that I enjoy constantly with Joash: the hugs and kisses we share when Joshua brings Joash to our room in the mornings, Joash running in delight into my arms, the sparkle I see in his eyes whenever he sees me, Joash looking for comfort from me when he hurt himself and babbling to me as if telling me of his complaint, the way Joash embraces me from behind and when I pretend I couldn't find him, he'll pop his head to my side and give me a cheeky grin... There are just so much that I can thank God for!!!
5) I've so many Christian friends who helped me regularly and prayed for me that I dun know how to thank them all! One acquaintance from a church mothers' group I join gave me "The Bible Promise Book" and it really helped me during the darkest moments of my pregnancy journey. There were many verses which I clung onto and Psalms 9:9 was one of them:
"The Lord also keeps safe those who suffer. He is a safe place in times of trouble"
If you are one of those who had helped me or prayed for me, I thank God for you from the bottom of my heart. You've shown God's love to me.
Even though my sufferings are far from over (take today for example: despite being Mother's Day, I could not celebrate much cos I had been dizzy and unwell the whole day), I am grateful that there had been improvements. I remember I broke down in tears of thankfulness the day I could eat a MOS burger and drink my favorite ice milk tea without throwing up! Thank God for new mercies everyday and I look forward to seeing my baby girl in 3 month's time! :)
Even though my sufferings are far from over (take today for example: despite being Mother's Day, I could not celebrate much cos I had been dizzy and unwell the whole day), I am grateful that there had been improvements. I remember I broke down in tears of thankfulness the day I could eat a MOS burger and drink my favorite ice milk tea without throwing up! Thank God for new mercies everyday and I look forward to seeing my baby girl in 3 month's time! :)
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