Yes, I've been tested and failed. I'd lost my temper.
It has been difficult enough for Jayna to take a nap in the day due to the cacophony the carpark upgrading causes these few weeks. (Unfortunately, it'll continue until next year March) I have to put her in the sling and carry her for hours before she can fall asleep and I can't take her out of the sling while she sleeps cos she'll be woken up by some sudden loud drilling very soon. Cos she's scared by the noises, she is also not willing to be by herself when she's awake so I have to put her in the sling and carry her while I cook and do housework too. I tell you: it's not an easy task to do so throughout the day since she is a 7 kg baby.
So yesterday, after I carried her for 2 whole hours and finally, pain-stakingly, managed to put her down onto my bed with pillows and blankets surrounding her to block out enough of the chaos for her to continue sleeping, I started to cook my lunch. It was already noon and I didn't have the opportunity to eat breakfast and was utterly famished by then.
Lo and behold, the Panasonic repairman came to fix the supposedly new microwave oven that decided to totally die on me in the middle of cooking rice. I told him to be as quiet as possible so as not to wake baby. He said he understood. Yet, 5 minutes later, I was shocked out of my skin to hear a resounding crash. The guy dropped the microwave oven on my glass dining table!
Needless to say, Jayna was rudely woken up but I was in the middle of frying something so I couldn't go to her. After I finished cooking, I was so hungry that I had low blood sugar and my hands were trembling badly. I had no choice but to quickly eat before I attended to my poor crying girl in the room. Because of this man's carelessness, she had to cry for 45 min in total!!! Worse still, he was totally unapologetic. Holding in my anger, I let him go as soon as he finished repairing though I was so tempted to give him a piece of my mind.
After this, knowing that the aircon repairman was coming, I didn't want to make the same mistake of putting Jayna to sleep before he came so I kept her awake till he did. He tested my patience too by not bringing the needed spare-part when my husband had already told him the model of the aircon countless times and when his boss already told me the last time he came to my place that he'll fix it the next time! So I kept my darling girl up for nothing since he just took a look at the aircon and left without fixing anything. I was so upset that I had a very bad headache and felt very nauseous while Jayna fell asleep on my chest later on.
My trial was not over. Later in the night, for reasons unknown to me, Joash refused to go to sleep and kept crying. He cried for a good half an hour before he got tired. I was very puzzled as he is usually so good at bedtime.
A few hours ago at 3am in the morning, I found out why. When Joash cried, Joshua went over and slept with him!!! When asked, Joshua revealed that he had been doing that the past few nights. No wonder Joash starts craving for attention and wants someone to sleep with him. When I asked Joshua if he wants to permanently sleep with his son, he actually said no!
Poor Joash could no longer sleep peacefully without Daddy and he kept coming back out to cry after we put him to bed and this went on for an hour. I kinda lost it and whacked Joash a few times out of anger. Knowing that it was wrong taking it out on my confused son, I retreated defeated into my room to let Joshua handle it.
However, even after Joshua caned and persuaded him countless time, he still kept crying. I couldn't bare it anymore and I went over to speak to Joash. I explained to him that he was waking everyone in the family up and disturbing the neighbors. After much reassurance and prayer with him, he eventually went to bed by himself.
I could no longer hold my anger in anymore. I totally lashed out at my husband cos this had happened many times before. My heart is broken by the fact that our son does not know what to expect from Daddy since he is so inconsistent in his treatment of him. Daddy will, all of the sudden, sleep with him and then the next moment refuse to stay in the room no matter how much he cries.
On hindsight, it was terrible that I could keep my temper in check when it came to strangers no matter how insensitive they were but I failed to do so for my dearest husband. I also find it difficult to keep it in check whenever my precious kids are made to suffer for no good reason esp from people who are supposed to love them like my husband.
May the Lord forgive my temper burst and help me to be patient especially towards my husband no matter what.
It has been difficult enough for Jayna to take a nap in the day due to the cacophony the carpark upgrading causes these few weeks. (Unfortunately, it'll continue until next year March) I have to put her in the sling and carry her for hours before she can fall asleep and I can't take her out of the sling while she sleeps cos she'll be woken up by some sudden loud drilling very soon. Cos she's scared by the noises, she is also not willing to be by herself when she's awake so I have to put her in the sling and carry her while I cook and do housework too. I tell you: it's not an easy task to do so throughout the day since she is a 7 kg baby.
So yesterday, after I carried her for 2 whole hours and finally, pain-stakingly, managed to put her down onto my bed with pillows and blankets surrounding her to block out enough of the chaos for her to continue sleeping, I started to cook my lunch. It was already noon and I didn't have the opportunity to eat breakfast and was utterly famished by then.
Lo and behold, the Panasonic repairman came to fix the supposedly new microwave oven that decided to totally die on me in the middle of cooking rice. I told him to be as quiet as possible so as not to wake baby. He said he understood. Yet, 5 minutes later, I was shocked out of my skin to hear a resounding crash. The guy dropped the microwave oven on my glass dining table!
Needless to say, Jayna was rudely woken up but I was in the middle of frying something so I couldn't go to her. After I finished cooking, I was so hungry that I had low blood sugar and my hands were trembling badly. I had no choice but to quickly eat before I attended to my poor crying girl in the room. Because of this man's carelessness, she had to cry for 45 min in total!!! Worse still, he was totally unapologetic. Holding in my anger, I let him go as soon as he finished repairing though I was so tempted to give him a piece of my mind.
After this, knowing that the aircon repairman was coming, I didn't want to make the same mistake of putting Jayna to sleep before he came so I kept her awake till he did. He tested my patience too by not bringing the needed spare-part when my husband had already told him the model of the aircon countless times and when his boss already told me the last time he came to my place that he'll fix it the next time! So I kept my darling girl up for nothing since he just took a look at the aircon and left without fixing anything. I was so upset that I had a very bad headache and felt very nauseous while Jayna fell asleep on my chest later on.
My trial was not over. Later in the night, for reasons unknown to me, Joash refused to go to sleep and kept crying. He cried for a good half an hour before he got tired. I was very puzzled as he is usually so good at bedtime.
A few hours ago at 3am in the morning, I found out why. When Joash cried, Joshua went over and slept with him!!! When asked, Joshua revealed that he had been doing that the past few nights. No wonder Joash starts craving for attention and wants someone to sleep with him. When I asked Joshua if he wants to permanently sleep with his son, he actually said no!
Poor Joash could no longer sleep peacefully without Daddy and he kept coming back out to cry after we put him to bed and this went on for an hour. I kinda lost it and whacked Joash a few times out of anger. Knowing that it was wrong taking it out on my confused son, I retreated defeated into my room to let Joshua handle it.
However, even after Joshua caned and persuaded him countless time, he still kept crying. I couldn't bare it anymore and I went over to speak to Joash. I explained to him that he was waking everyone in the family up and disturbing the neighbors. After much reassurance and prayer with him, he eventually went to bed by himself.
I could no longer hold my anger in anymore. I totally lashed out at my husband cos this had happened many times before. My heart is broken by the fact that our son does not know what to expect from Daddy since he is so inconsistent in his treatment of him. Daddy will, all of the sudden, sleep with him and then the next moment refuse to stay in the room no matter how much he cries.
On hindsight, it was terrible that I could keep my temper in check when it came to strangers no matter how insensitive they were but I failed to do so for my dearest husband. I also find it difficult to keep it in check whenever my precious kids are made to suffer for no good reason esp from people who are supposed to love them like my husband.
May the Lord forgive my temper burst and help me to be patient especially towards my husband no matter what.
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