I've been mulling over the issue of how many children we should ultimately have for a long time. Looking at how things have been over the past half a year, I have come to the decision that I'll stop at three.
During the months that I have been incapacitated by my pregnancy, many things in the house have deteriorated into a state of disrepair; many of the toys had gone missing or were destroyed. My family's nutrition has suffered drastically because I have not been able to cook healthy food that they love to eat and everyone's health has taken a turn for the worse. My poor beloved husband has become demoralized, exhausted and frustrated after having to operate like a single-parent most of the time and worst of all, my children's discipline and well-being have taken a backseat during this survival mode.
Joash and Jayna's bedtime has been pushed back by an hour and a half since Joshua can't do things as quickly and efficiently as I can and the children tend to bully him more. As a result, they do not have enough sleep and wake up tired and cranky, which makes life difficult for Joshua in the morning. As it is, the children reach school late pretty often now and their Daddy, in turn, is very much affected in his work. In fact, Joash has entered into another phase of unreasonable tantrums and I am not able to minister to him as I did in the past and thus this frustrating period has dragged on for longer than it has ever been. Furthermore, my son's regression in his linguistic ability over the past few months has become extremely worrisome.
It is no longer a simple matter of me enduring the intense hardship when I'm pregnant. It's not even a matter of pushing myself beyond the suffering as whenever I overexert in trying to do something for my family, I'm endangering the baby inside me with frequent black-outs and bloody discharge. I'm not the only one paying the price if I were to conceive again. My family needs me to be at my full functioning capacity. It would be selfish and unreasonable of me to insist on having more kids.
Although I will never forget my desire to raise more children, I do not have the clear conscience to try for another one unless God miraculously gives me an unplanned but easy pregnancy or grant us a windfall so that we have enough money to adopt. There is no point adding to the number of family members if I can't even make sure that the existing ones are well taken care of.
During the months that I have been incapacitated by my pregnancy, many things in the house have deteriorated into a state of disrepair; many of the toys had gone missing or were destroyed. My family's nutrition has suffered drastically because I have not been able to cook healthy food that they love to eat and everyone's health has taken a turn for the worse. My poor beloved husband has become demoralized, exhausted and frustrated after having to operate like a single-parent most of the time and worst of all, my children's discipline and well-being have taken a backseat during this survival mode.
Joash and Jayna's bedtime has been pushed back by an hour and a half since Joshua can't do things as quickly and efficiently as I can and the children tend to bully him more. As a result, they do not have enough sleep and wake up tired and cranky, which makes life difficult for Joshua in the morning. As it is, the children reach school late pretty often now and their Daddy, in turn, is very much affected in his work. In fact, Joash has entered into another phase of unreasonable tantrums and I am not able to minister to him as I did in the past and thus this frustrating period has dragged on for longer than it has ever been. Furthermore, my son's regression in his linguistic ability over the past few months has become extremely worrisome.
It is no longer a simple matter of me enduring the intense hardship when I'm pregnant. It's not even a matter of pushing myself beyond the suffering as whenever I overexert in trying to do something for my family, I'm endangering the baby inside me with frequent black-outs and bloody discharge. I'm not the only one paying the price if I were to conceive again. My family needs me to be at my full functioning capacity. It would be selfish and unreasonable of me to insist on having more kids.
Although I will never forget my desire to raise more children, I do not have the clear conscience to try for another one unless God miraculously gives me an unplanned but easy pregnancy or grant us a windfall so that we have enough money to adopt. There is no point adding to the number of family members if I can't even make sure that the existing ones are well taken care of.
It's a tough decision to make but a needful one nonetheless.
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