Everyone who has met Jayna will always comment to me about how beautiful she is. Unfortunately, her face is beautiful... but her heart is not.
It is indeed normal for toddlers to throw tantrums. Even a good-natured boy like Joash kicks a big fuss on average about once a day. There are also times when he pushes our limits. Thankfully, it doesn't take long for him to resume his cheerful personality. But to constantly whine and fuss and have 4 or 5 melt-downs per hour? It is ridiculously tiring.
Now that I have 3 children, it has become even more stark how difficult she is. 80% of my time and attention are spent on her. She is often extremely disruptive to the daily routine. In fact, when she's not around (a few times when Joshua took care of her or when she naps) I enjoy my time tremendously with Joash and Jaide. I find myself able to relax without having to hear her persistent deafening siren. She loathe to let me have a moment of peace since whenever I pause for a rest, she'll have new demands for me. More often than not, she doesn't know what she wants as she keeps changing her mind, toying with me as one would a monkey. Furthermore, no matter how much I teach her to be polite in her requests, her tone is terribly rude when she insists on her way. Despite being 2 and a half years of age, she is still as sticky to me as when she was a baby.
It is very easy to resent Jayna for making my life so difficult. It is natural to treat her more harshly and give her less love than the other two children. Yet, I know that this is not what God would have me do. I can either treat her as a curse in my life or understand that God has given her to me to mold my character and refine me by burning away my impurities in the crucible of testing.
With the help of the Holy Spirit's empowerment, I choose, moment by moment, to forgive her never-ending transgressions. I must, as an act of the will, discipline her with love and patience. Even when I don't feel like it, I strive to speak gently and smile when she hurt me. I apologize and seek her forgiveness during times when I do fail and lose my temper despite feeling that I have the right not to treat her kindly after being driven up the wall by her selfishness and willfulness.
Because of her, I have grown in many ways. Because she tests my patience so much, nothing much else can faze me. As I watch her ungratefulness to me after all I've done for her, I am forced to come to terms with my own ingratitude towards God and learn to be thankful for small mercies.
With regards to being thankful, I discipline myself to look at the few areas she actually has grown in. She is now a little more able to listen to reason than a year ago. Thanks to Joash being such a good brother by doing things for her, guiding her towards obedience, playing with her and keeping her entertained as much as he could, she is becoming more happily independent and can allow me out of her sight for a longer period of time than in the past. Very very slowly but surely, she is better at eating without creating a horrendous mess, understanding just that little bit more regarding hygiene and is on the way to being completely toilet trained. She can empathise with others slightly better than before and is able to delay gratification on rare occasions. As much as she is still fickle-minded, emotionally insecure and extremely difficult to please, we have also all gotten used to her idiosyncrasies and can better cope with her temperamental character.
As God is my witness, I've done my level best to love her regardless of my distinct dislike for her needy personality. I can only pray that in God's perfect timing, she will be as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside.
Matthew 18:21-22
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Romans 5:3-5
...we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
It is indeed normal for toddlers to throw tantrums. Even a good-natured boy like Joash kicks a big fuss on average about once a day. There are also times when he pushes our limits. Thankfully, it doesn't take long for him to resume his cheerful personality. But to constantly whine and fuss and have 4 or 5 melt-downs per hour? It is ridiculously tiring.
Now that I have 3 children, it has become even more stark how difficult she is. 80% of my time and attention are spent on her. She is often extremely disruptive to the daily routine. In fact, when she's not around (a few times when Joshua took care of her or when she naps) I enjoy my time tremendously with Joash and Jaide. I find myself able to relax without having to hear her persistent deafening siren. She loathe to let me have a moment of peace since whenever I pause for a rest, she'll have new demands for me. More often than not, she doesn't know what she wants as she keeps changing her mind, toying with me as one would a monkey. Furthermore, no matter how much I teach her to be polite in her requests, her tone is terribly rude when she insists on her way. Despite being 2 and a half years of age, she is still as sticky to me as when she was a baby.
It is very easy to resent Jayna for making my life so difficult. It is natural to treat her more harshly and give her less love than the other two children. Yet, I know that this is not what God would have me do. I can either treat her as a curse in my life or understand that God has given her to me to mold my character and refine me by burning away my impurities in the crucible of testing.
With the help of the Holy Spirit's empowerment, I choose, moment by moment, to forgive her never-ending transgressions. I must, as an act of the will, discipline her with love and patience. Even when I don't feel like it, I strive to speak gently and smile when she hurt me. I apologize and seek her forgiveness during times when I do fail and lose my temper despite feeling that I have the right not to treat her kindly after being driven up the wall by her selfishness and willfulness.
Because of her, I have grown in many ways. Because she tests my patience so much, nothing much else can faze me. As I watch her ungratefulness to me after all I've done for her, I am forced to come to terms with my own ingratitude towards God and learn to be thankful for small mercies.
With regards to being thankful, I discipline myself to look at the few areas she actually has grown in. She is now a little more able to listen to reason than a year ago. Thanks to Joash being such a good brother by doing things for her, guiding her towards obedience, playing with her and keeping her entertained as much as he could, she is becoming more happily independent and can allow me out of her sight for a longer period of time than in the past. Very very slowly but surely, she is better at eating without creating a horrendous mess, understanding just that little bit more regarding hygiene and is on the way to being completely toilet trained. She can empathise with others slightly better than before and is able to delay gratification on rare occasions. As much as she is still fickle-minded, emotionally insecure and extremely difficult to please, we have also all gotten used to her idiosyncrasies and can better cope with her temperamental character.
As God is my witness, I've done my level best to love her regardless of my distinct dislike for her needy personality. I can only pray that in God's perfect timing, she will be as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside.
Matthew 18:21-22
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Romans 5:3-5
...we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
1 comment:
You have done your best with her... But I want to say that Jayna is a beauty, both inside and out. The beauty awaits to be unfolded.
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