Works in Progress

It was a hot and humid afternoon. My skin itch had returned with a vengeance and my body had barely recuperated from the exertion of the June holidays.

I entered the establishment with four children who refuse to drink my homemade broth and instead, hanker after the tomato soup of the fast-food outlet. The lunch-time crowd was in and yet those four little human beings insisted on squeezing past the press of bodies in the queue to look at the menu at the counter as though they did not know what was available. Four excited voices piped enthusiastically their orders and they changed their minds so quickly and often that I lost track of who wanted what. Combined with my constant admonishment for the children not to destroy public property and desperate appeals for them not to be a nuisance to other people with their monkeying around, we were exceedingly noisy and rowdy, my self-respect in pieces.

Everyday, I ask myself, when will this chaos end? I had many who encourage me that things will get easier as they grow up but that is a dangerous expectation. Even though it is true that there is less physical care-giving needed as the kids grow more independent, the battles of the will correspondingly increase in intensity. One child would loathe to put in any hard work to the point of declining a supplementary class, generously offered by the school, meant to help him improve. Another would blatantly ignore pleas to take care of her skin. There is also the constant tantrum-filled balking at every single instruction given and the wilful refusal to drink water by himself although perfectly capable of doing so.

No. Things will definitely not get easier. It will only get different. To think otherwise is to lose hope whenever the children refuse to obey even though it is all for their own sake. More than ever, I need the resilience that comes from putting my faith and hope in Christ and not trust what I see. I need to hang onto the vision which God entrusted me years ago and the journey is far from over. I need to put things in the right perspective. I must nail my disappointments in my children and myself to the cross and move on. Even as I extend grace to my own flesh and blood, I must extend the same grace to myself whenever I feel like such an epic failure. I am similarly a work in progress. God is not finished with us yet. Although depleted both physically and emotionally, I can rely on God's empowerment each day to give me a second wind. Indeed, to live is Christ. 

“Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise.” (Hebrews 10:35)