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| Baby's Breaths & Sweet Williams |
Recently, my stress level has increased significantly.
Joash is entering primary school while Jayna is going to a
new kindergarten, with Jaide joining her at nursery level. Preparing for a new
school year is already pretty daunting. Adding on the worry over my father-in-law's ailing health and the struggle to strike a balance between
making sure he is taken care of and respecting his wishes, my emotional
reserves are being drained beyond empty. I lose sleep mulling over logistical
and financial concerns that come with moving in with the in-laws should the
need arise.
All these have to coincide with Joshua's peak work period so
I have to hold the fort without his help. It also happens to be the time of
toilet training for Jaide and Jayna's progress toward being diaper-less at
night. It doesn’t help at all that our strong-willed 2 year old is still not
speaking properly enough to communicate her needs and wants, resulting in
numerous exhausting tantrums to deal with daily. The wrestling with her regarding water drinking is especially tiring. She barely finishes a bottle in
three days! I’m far busier now because Joram is getting dangerously mobile and
I wonder how long more before his reflux will be outgrown or cured. Not to
mention that I am responsible for many things with regards to a Christmas
outreach next month.
Even though I really love flowers and I used to buy them for
myself whenever I felt distressed before marriage, I have been consciously
refraining from indulging in them due to our tight budgeting constrains. I only
allowed myself the occasional admiring glances whenever I pass by the flower
shop on my way to buy the groceries.
This morning, I felt that it was time to bring out the big
guns. Yet, I could not rid myself of the guilt over the frivolous expense, I
agonized over what to get, much to the amusement of the shop attendant. In the
end, I settled on small flowers without all the trimmings at $7.80. They will
last a few days at best so it’s not worth splurging so much.
I am so glad to have made the purchase. I took my vase of
flowers everywhere I went in the house, from the bedroom table while I played
with the kids to the kitchen where I did the laundry. It reminded me of the
God’s beautiful creation and that He would take care of me the way He takes
such great care to design insignificant flowers which will be here today and
gone tomorrow. I can indeed trust in my loving and almighty God.
Or course, ideally, it would have been wonderful to have a
garden or even simply a pot of flowers, which can last much longer. However,
those take plenty of work and money. I’m hard-pressed finding the time to rest
and take care of myself, let alone sparing any effort for gardening. For now, I
take immense pleasure in the simple arrangement of white and purple on my
table.
For most part of my life, I’ve lived from hand to mouth. I
had very few toys as a child and could only afford 4 sets of new clothes each
year. I put myself through tertiary education and did not take money from my
family since Junior college. I’ve worked almost every conceivable part-time job
there existed for an undergrad and whatever money I saved during the years as a
teacher went into repaying my tuition fee loan. I survived on support-raising
as a Christian worker. Then, I got married on a shoe-string budget, because my
fiancé did not have any savings of his own, and bought a 3-roomed flat which
required minimal renovations using CPF. After marriage, whatever we saved went
into helping my husband repay his leftover tuition fee loan and our wedding debt. Now, I manage a household of 6 on a single income and we’re hardly
getting by.
It would really be nice to have savings for a change
sometime in the future and stop living the hand to mouth existence. It would be
nice not to constantly worry about whether we have enough money for
necessities. However, I have been greatly blessed by the Maker of these
gorgeous flowers I so adore. No matter how hard life is, I have never starved
and been homeless before. I have learnt to be grateful for what I have: the
insurmountable riches in Christ Jesus.
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| Bought the flowers while getting grocery |
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| While playing with the kids |
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| While feeding the children |
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| While doing laundry |
Matt. 6:28-34
“And why do you worry about
clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I
tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of
these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today
and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you
of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall
we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things,
and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom
and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
