Victim's Testimony Against the Offender:"He had the audacity to SMILE at me BEFORE and AFTER he bit me! He has clearly no remorse concerning the terrible deed..."
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
His grace is sufficient for me
Last night was the most tiring night so far. Apart from battling the usual problem of my low milk supply and Joash's ferocious appetite, he developed a new problem.
After feeding Joash for the usual few hours in the late afternoon, he got so desperate for milk that he bit my nipples! (Ouch!) So I gave him formula though I usually only do that at night. Thinking that he would be happily sleeping for the next three hours as per normal after formula, I went to him three hours later to change his diapers. To my horror, Joash had regurgitated a large amount of milk all over the cot!
God must have been with me as I calmly took out the beddings and asked my husband to throw them into the washing machine. We cleaned the cot out and changed him. We thought that it was all over but that was simply the beginning of our sleepless night.
Joash could not feed well and kept crying. We did everything we knew might soothe him: changed his diapers, fed him formula, carried and rocked him to sleep and sang to him. But nothing worked. It was then my husband brilliantly suggested that we tap his stomach to see if he had gas. The hollow sound we heard when I tapped him herald the bad news.
We spent the whole night massaging his stomach, burping him and exercising his legs. It was long and tedious work. Bit by bit, we heard him burp and fart and he gradually became calmer. By then, it was nearly morning. I didn't even have the time or energy to eat my midnight meal.
Never had I felt that the verse in Ecclesiastes 4:9 "Two are better than one" more poignant. Joshua and I took turns to rest a while and we somehow survived the night without me losing my cool. (Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! It's a miracle!)
Learning from other people's experiences, there will be many more great challenges ahead of us as Joash grows older. I can only cling on to God's wonderful promise that His grace is sufficient for me.
After feeding Joash for the usual few hours in the late afternoon, he got so desperate for milk that he bit my nipples! (Ouch!) So I gave him formula though I usually only do that at night. Thinking that he would be happily sleeping for the next three hours as per normal after formula, I went to him three hours later to change his diapers. To my horror, Joash had regurgitated a large amount of milk all over the cot!
God must have been with me as I calmly took out the beddings and asked my husband to throw them into the washing machine. We cleaned the cot out and changed him. We thought that it was all over but that was simply the beginning of our sleepless night.
Joash could not feed well and kept crying. We did everything we knew might soothe him: changed his diapers, fed him formula, carried and rocked him to sleep and sang to him. But nothing worked. It was then my husband brilliantly suggested that we tap his stomach to see if he had gas. The hollow sound we heard when I tapped him herald the bad news.
We spent the whole night massaging his stomach, burping him and exercising his legs. It was long and tedious work. Bit by bit, we heard him burp and fart and he gradually became calmer. By then, it was nearly morning. I didn't even have the time or energy to eat my midnight meal.
Never had I felt that the verse in Ecclesiastes 4:9 "Two are better than one" more poignant. Joshua and I took turns to rest a while and we somehow survived the night without me losing my cool. (Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! It's a miracle!)
Learning from other people's experiences, there will be many more great challenges ahead of us as Joash grows older. I can only cling on to God's wonderful promise that His grace is sufficient for me.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Like the Apostle Paul
Last Sunday, Pastor Shoo was preaching on Philippians 3 and it really ministered to me.
Like Paul with his earthly credentials, I have everything to boast of in my experience and knowledge of taking care of babies. My mother was a baby-sitter and I had seen four children grow up from 2 weeks old to 4 years of age and am adept at taking care of all of the babies' needs. (except breast-feeding cos we only used formula in the past and I surely had no milk! ha ha...) I was a Sunday School teacher and studied child psychology in my Uni days. I had also done extensive research on every baby topic throughout my life as this is my area of interest. I have absolutely no problem baby-sitting my friends' babies... Of all people, I should have an easy time caring for Joash, yah?
Guess again. It has only been half a month and I am already breaking so many rules in the book. I have always known that it is bad habit to nurse baby to sleep but Joash refuses to sleep otherwise. I should be waking baby up when he sleeps past his feed time but I am so tired that whenever that happens (rarely though) I would be reluctant to wake him so that I can rest more or finish up my chores. I vowed that I would never use the pacifier but I used it when Joash kept crying even after I nursed him for 4 hours. (Thank God Joash can't keep the pacifier in his mouth without me holding it for him and so I can't cop-out that way anymore :P) It is also a terrible habit to carry and rock baby to sleep but I let Joshua help me do that when I am too tired to feed him any longer so that he can sleep. What's more, I'm used to changing diapers whenever I know the baby has passed motion but Joash screams bloody murder whenever we change him and he has REALLY strong legs so it is a mammoth task to clean his buttocks. I've come to just let him stew in his own filth for as long as my conscience can take it and running the risk of him having nappy rash... sigh.
So many times, I am tempted to switch fully to formula as Joash is never quite satisfied with my breast and I have a terrible time trying to express my milk with the $100 AVENT manual breast pump. Talk about a severe lack of perseverance! (and a waste of good money!)
I need to be like Paul... "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead". I should not let my past successes cause me to be overly disappointed in my present failures. I have to press on despite the many mistakes I've made as God is the One who empowers me to be a good mother.
Like Paul with his earthly credentials, I have everything to boast of in my experience and knowledge of taking care of babies. My mother was a baby-sitter and I had seen four children grow up from 2 weeks old to 4 years of age and am adept at taking care of all of the babies' needs. (except breast-feeding cos we only used formula in the past and I surely had no milk! ha ha...) I was a Sunday School teacher and studied child psychology in my Uni days. I had also done extensive research on every baby topic throughout my life as this is my area of interest. I have absolutely no problem baby-sitting my friends' babies... Of all people, I should have an easy time caring for Joash, yah?
Guess again. It has only been half a month and I am already breaking so many rules in the book. I have always known that it is bad habit to nurse baby to sleep but Joash refuses to sleep otherwise. I should be waking baby up when he sleeps past his feed time but I am so tired that whenever that happens (rarely though) I would be reluctant to wake him so that I can rest more or finish up my chores. I vowed that I would never use the pacifier but I used it when Joash kept crying even after I nursed him for 4 hours. (Thank God Joash can't keep the pacifier in his mouth without me holding it for him and so I can't cop-out that way anymore :P) It is also a terrible habit to carry and rock baby to sleep but I let Joshua help me do that when I am too tired to feed him any longer so that he can sleep. What's more, I'm used to changing diapers whenever I know the baby has passed motion but Joash screams bloody murder whenever we change him and he has REALLY strong legs so it is a mammoth task to clean his buttocks. I've come to just let him stew in his own filth for as long as my conscience can take it and running the risk of him having nappy rash... sigh.
So many times, I am tempted to switch fully to formula as Joash is never quite satisfied with my breast and I have a terrible time trying to express my milk with the $100 AVENT manual breast pump. Talk about a severe lack of perseverance! (and a waste of good money!)
I need to be like Paul... "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead". I should not let my past successes cause me to be overly disappointed in my present failures. I have to press on despite the many mistakes I've made as God is the One who empowers me to be a good mother.
Self-control
"A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control."
Proverbs 29:11
Proverbs 29:11
I've a fatal flaw called a quick temper... no... make it a VIOLENT temper. When I was a teenager, I could not control my anger and became destructive when provoked. I know what I am capable: I ever held a knife to chase after my brother, threw a table at my classmate, threw things out of the window and even punched the wall till I bled. It was until I accepted Christ that God slowly took hold of my anger and kept it under check as I gradually surrender control of my raging emotions to His Lordship.
A decade later, with almost no sleep at all for the past 2 and a half weeks, the fiery monster that lies domain for years threatens to unleash itself once again. I usually don't function very well when I lack sleep. It also happens that Joash is very sensitive to guests in the house and usually will be unable to sleep peacefully and will continue to be fussy long after the guests have gone home. Once when my brother and his girlfriend visited us, the two of them did not even make any sound as they went into his room to watch him sleep. Somehow, Joash sensed their presence and woke up and started to cry. The only thing that can calm my baby down is nursing him for long hours which is more tiring for me than when I used to jog around Mount Faber for an hour. ほんとつかれた! [Jap for 'really tiring']
As much as Joshua and I love visitors, we are simply exhausted by the effort it takes to soothe Joash when the guests have left. We can only brace ourselves for yet another sleepless night whenever we expect to entertain guests....
That's where the challenge comes in.
Sometimes, guests dropped by totally UNANNOUNCED and a few times it occurred after I finally managed to put Joash to bed and was really looking forward to one or two hours of rest. When that happened (even after we asked the guests to at least let us know in advance so that we can prepare ourselves mentally for no rest that night) I could feel my age-old fiend rise up and threaten to consume me. (sounds like Naruto with his nine-tail fox monster sealed within him LOL) I had visions of myself screaming at the guests to get lost or throwing my baby at them!!!
It was purely by the grace of God that I did none of that. I'm not sure how but when my heart cried out to God to help me control my anger, He supplied me with a strange calm within and I was amazed that I could be civil and entertain the guest as per normal even! I'm so grateful to God for keeping my rage reigned in.
As I shared this with Joshua, we prayed that God will continue to help me be of good testimony even when I am pressed on all sides. Thank God that I managed to keep a cool head even when Joshua forgot to turn off the stove and burnt the soup and forgot to cover Joash's private part while changing his diapers resulting in generous sprays of "blessings" all over the place. God simply reminded me that Joshua is at least as tired as I am.
Tough as it is, this period of time, God has taught me many lessons in dependence upon Him. Would you pray with me that things would eventually get better? :)
A decade later, with almost no sleep at all for the past 2 and a half weeks, the fiery monster that lies domain for years threatens to unleash itself once again. I usually don't function very well when I lack sleep. It also happens that Joash is very sensitive to guests in the house and usually will be unable to sleep peacefully and will continue to be fussy long after the guests have gone home. Once when my brother and his girlfriend visited us, the two of them did not even make any sound as they went into his room to watch him sleep. Somehow, Joash sensed their presence and woke up and started to cry. The only thing that can calm my baby down is nursing him for long hours which is more tiring for me than when I used to jog around Mount Faber for an hour. ほんとつかれた! [Jap for 'really tiring']
As much as Joshua and I love visitors, we are simply exhausted by the effort it takes to soothe Joash when the guests have left. We can only brace ourselves for yet another sleepless night whenever we expect to entertain guests....
That's where the challenge comes in.
Sometimes, guests dropped by totally UNANNOUNCED and a few times it occurred after I finally managed to put Joash to bed and was really looking forward to one or two hours of rest. When that happened (even after we asked the guests to at least let us know in advance so that we can prepare ourselves mentally for no rest that night) I could feel my age-old fiend rise up and threaten to consume me. (sounds like Naruto with his nine-tail fox monster sealed within him LOL) I had visions of myself screaming at the guests to get lost or throwing my baby at them!!!
It was purely by the grace of God that I did none of that. I'm not sure how but when my heart cried out to God to help me control my anger, He supplied me with a strange calm within and I was amazed that I could be civil and entertain the guest as per normal even! I'm so grateful to God for keeping my rage reigned in.
As I shared this with Joshua, we prayed that God will continue to help me be of good testimony even when I am pressed on all sides. Thank God that I managed to keep a cool head even when Joshua forgot to turn off the stove and burnt the soup and forgot to cover Joash's private part while changing his diapers resulting in generous sprays of "blessings" all over the place. God simply reminded me that Joshua is at least as tired as I am.
Tough as it is, this period of time, God has taught me many lessons in dependence upon Him. Would you pray with me that things would eventually get better? :)
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Joash's first tummy time!
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| The Daddy and Baby Tare Pandas!!! |
Here's a video clip of Joash's first tummy time with Mummy and Daddy...
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Joshua is my Superman!
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| This photo is taken during the wee hours in the morning |
I am definitely not the only one with sleepless nights (and days) in taking care of Joash. For a person who usually cannot function without the full 6 hours of sleep, Joshua is valiantly coping with perhaps only two sessions of 2 hours of sleep at night. Since I am already exhausted with the feeding schedule plus I am supposed to be in confinement, which means I should rest more, Joshua took the enormous effort to not only help take care of Joash but also take care of me.
I am amazed that my husband can now actually hear Joash cry and wake up before I do! He will bring our son to me for feeding, heat up my midnight food while I nurse Joash, carry Joash around for a walk to put him to bed as I eat my meal then wash up the dishes after I'm done and even massage my aching muscles before we fall asleep again! There are even times when Joash refuses to go to sleep even after the feed so he carried him till the next feed while I sleep... and he still has to go to work the next day. Goodness! God has truly blessed me with a fantastic husband! God must indeed be the One who sustains him...
I can't believe that he still feels so inadequate. Joshua muses that Joash cries when he changes his diapers.
My dear bear bear... Joash cries whenever we change his diapers or bath him. He wails as loudly whenever my confinement lady or I do the same so it's not just you. So cut yourself some slack, yah?
Joshua makes a great husband and father, don't you think? *wink*
I am amazed that my husband can now actually hear Joash cry and wake up before I do! He will bring our son to me for feeding, heat up my midnight food while I nurse Joash, carry Joash around for a walk to put him to bed as I eat my meal then wash up the dishes after I'm done and even massage my aching muscles before we fall asleep again! There are even times when Joash refuses to go to sleep even after the feed so he carried him till the next feed while I sleep... and he still has to go to work the next day. Goodness! God has truly blessed me with a fantastic husband! God must indeed be the One who sustains him...
I can't believe that he still feels so inadequate. Joshua muses that Joash cries when he changes his diapers.
My dear bear bear... Joash cries whenever we change his diapers or bath him. He wails as loudly whenever my confinement lady or I do the same so it's not just you. So cut yourself some slack, yah?
Joshua makes a great husband and father, don't you think? *wink*
Wakey, wakey!
Here's a video clip of me trying to wake Joash up to finish his milk so that he'll sleep more soundly later on. Alas! I am not always successful...
My favorite time of the day
This is my favourite time of the day... when Joash is asleep! Look how peaceful he is... if only it will last longer. It is during these short snippets of time that I can do anything else: pack up stuff, update my blog, read emails, bathe, do my devotion, catch a snooze and eat in peace. (as opposed to eating with one hand while he nurses in my other arm)
At the moment, Joash is quite unable to stay awake for more than 5 min without crying. I shall wait for the day when he will be able to sustain a stretch of awake time when he can interact with me. I would love to read the bible to him and sing songs of praise to God with him... For now, I am contented with singing "Jesus loves me" and "He's able" etc to soothe him to sleep and pray with him while I nurse him. I pray that Joash will indeed grow into a man who loves God wholeheartedly. May God empower me to do as such!
This is his cot with the mosquito net. Just one sleeping time without the net, and he'll be "kissed" by the buzzers... I wonder why they like him so much. Joshua and I hardly get bitten. Perhaps his soft tender skin? Heh heh...
Who does he take after?
Okay, okay... I get it that everyone has his own opinion about who Joash looks like. Perhaps this is something that may be a little more objective: Here are our baby photos and Joash's photo. Now placed side by side, decide who he REALLY looks like. I will put up both my hands and feet to say that Joash looks more like Joshua. *grin*
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| Joshua |
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| Joash |
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| Jaclyn |
Friday, November 16, 2007
Martial Arts Talent?
Here's just something I scrambled together between feeds... Hope you'll enjoy it! :)
Perseverance is the key!
Strange to say this but thanks to the hospital stay due to Joash's jaundice condition that we found out what could be bothering Joash. He had been crying for milk even after feeding him for hours! I didn't get any sleep at all since we got back from the hospital.
After listening to many people's contradicting opinions (which was very confusing and stressful for me as some say that I don't have enough milk for Joash while others say that since the technique is correct I should have enough... etc etc...) We concluded that my milk supply is slow in catching up with Joash's growth needs at the moment. We noticed that he sleeps really soundly after being fed formula. So for the moment, as tough as it is, I will keep feeding him till I am too exhausted to continue then I'll feed him formula so that I can get at least some shut eye. As a friend of mine who is a mother said: Welcome to the breastfeeding mother's world!
This is my view 80% of my time now... Joash suckling at my breast. He loves to put his fists up beside his cheeks as if he is guarding himself in a boxing match. This must be a habit he picked up in the womb. I can still remember him constantly punching my bladder...
Ahhh... i'm satisfied! For now.... *eerie music* (Notice the drop of breastmilk at his right cheek?)
We learnt another new thing while in the hospital too. (I think I must have forgotten about this since the last time I changed a diaper was a decade ago :P) Newborns are supposed to have at least 6 wet diapers a day and I was told Joash was not urinating enough. So when I changed him, I kept checking the diapers by touching it (yucks!) and even resorting to smelling it! The urine is supposed to be clear, right? So how am I to tell? Then miraculously, a nurse just mentioned to me that there is a line that turns from yellow to blue if there had been even the slightest urine. Hallelujah! Mystery solved! and to think that we were sooo "sua ku". Extreme "malu-ation"!!!
After listening to many people's contradicting opinions (which was very confusing and stressful for me as some say that I don't have enough milk for Joash while others say that since the technique is correct I should have enough... etc etc...) We concluded that my milk supply is slow in catching up with Joash's growth needs at the moment. We noticed that he sleeps really soundly after being fed formula. So for the moment, as tough as it is, I will keep feeding him till I am too exhausted to continue then I'll feed him formula so that I can get at least some shut eye. As a friend of mine who is a mother said: Welcome to the breastfeeding mother's world!
This is my view 80% of my time now... Joash suckling at my breast. He loves to put his fists up beside his cheeks as if he is guarding himself in a boxing match. This must be a habit he picked up in the womb. I can still remember him constantly punching my bladder...
Ahhh... i'm satisfied! For now.... *eerie music* (Notice the drop of breastmilk at his right cheek?)
We learnt another new thing while in the hospital too. (I think I must have forgotten about this since the last time I changed a diaper was a decade ago :P) Newborns are supposed to have at least 6 wet diapers a day and I was told Joash was not urinating enough. So when I changed him, I kept checking the diapers by touching it (yucks!) and even resorting to smelling it! The urine is supposed to be clear, right? So how am I to tell? Then miraculously, a nurse just mentioned to me that there is a line that turns from yellow to blue if there had been even the slightest urine. Hallelujah! Mystery solved! and to think that we were sooo "sua ku". Extreme "malu-ation"!!!
God's perfect timing
Remember that I was rather anxious about when Joash will be coming out? I am indeed a woman of little faith as I should have trusted that God's timing is always perfect. I couldn't have chosen any other better time to deliver him. Here are some of the reasons, courtesy of my husband who complied them:
1) It's a public holiday. Joshua didn't need to take leave for the day. So we had one more day of paternity leave to play around with.
2) It happened in the morning. Or else we would both have been too tired to go through with the whole draining process.
3) The baby was fully developed already, so if he had stayed in the womb for some more days, it might have been bad for his health because faeces might start to accumulate in the water bag. The nurse showed my husband the evidence of Joash's first stools at his anus when he was just delivered.
4) News spreaded fast because a number of church members were fellowshipping together. So many of my church mates were praying for us!
5) Joshua and I had prayed for the baby to come out soon just some 4 hours before the water bag broke! God answered so clearly and quickly!
6) The hospital had just finished some renovations the day before, so we had peace and quiet throughout our hospital stay.
7) There were quite a number of people who discharged from the hospital the day before. This made it possible for Joshua to secure a good single room to stay over in the hospital with me. I really needed the help to move around as I was in great pain. (The hospital only allows those in single wards to have a companion stay over)
8) Joshua had a rather large amount of work to be cleared the day after delivery... But his boss reduced it because of changes in the project! So he finished his work even though he was only working half-day on Friday.
9) Joshua's boss flew off on Sunday so the next week was rather lull... A good time to take paternity leave!
These are only the thanksgivings concerning the delivery. Little did we know that later on, our confinement lady was hospitalized after her first day at our place! Poor woman, she must have been overworking herself. I hope that she'll be able to nurse back her health eventually. We were also concerned that I would not have anyone to help me or cook for me while she tries to find a replacement for us (that is so responsible of her to do that!)
By the grace of God, the Monday she was hospitalized was the day we found out that Joash had very bad jaundice during our doctor's appointment. He had to be hospitalized too. Since I was breastfeeding him, I wanted to stay with him and the hospital serves good confinement food and has nurses to help me. Thus, we decided to spend the money to admit myself into a ward for the two days. Thank God too that a replacement was found and she could come the day after I discharge! What's more, the new lady is a Christian and we could come up with a better arrangement with her than the previous one concerning going for Sunday service. Yeah!
Praise God for healing Joash of jaundice and my recovery from the episiotomy is unexpectedly quick. I am now able to move around without too much pain and I think I am able to attend church this Sunday. Really looking forward to it.
Joash undergoing photo-therapy (Looks like he is sleeping on a scanner... Ha ha)
1) It's a public holiday. Joshua didn't need to take leave for the day. So we had one more day of paternity leave to play around with.
2) It happened in the morning. Or else we would both have been too tired to go through with the whole draining process.
3) The baby was fully developed already, so if he had stayed in the womb for some more days, it might have been bad for his health because faeces might start to accumulate in the water bag. The nurse showed my husband the evidence of Joash's first stools at his anus when he was just delivered.
4) News spreaded fast because a number of church members were fellowshipping together. So many of my church mates were praying for us!
5) Joshua and I had prayed for the baby to come out soon just some 4 hours before the water bag broke! God answered so clearly and quickly!
6) The hospital had just finished some renovations the day before, so we had peace and quiet throughout our hospital stay.
7) There were quite a number of people who discharged from the hospital the day before. This made it possible for Joshua to secure a good single room to stay over in the hospital with me. I really needed the help to move around as I was in great pain. (The hospital only allows those in single wards to have a companion stay over)
8) Joshua had a rather large amount of work to be cleared the day after delivery... But his boss reduced it because of changes in the project! So he finished his work even though he was only working half-day on Friday.
9) Joshua's boss flew off on Sunday so the next week was rather lull... A good time to take paternity leave!
These are only the thanksgivings concerning the delivery. Little did we know that later on, our confinement lady was hospitalized after her first day at our place! Poor woman, she must have been overworking herself. I hope that she'll be able to nurse back her health eventually. We were also concerned that I would not have anyone to help me or cook for me while she tries to find a replacement for us (that is so responsible of her to do that!)
By the grace of God, the Monday she was hospitalized was the day we found out that Joash had very bad jaundice during our doctor's appointment. He had to be hospitalized too. Since I was breastfeeding him, I wanted to stay with him and the hospital serves good confinement food and has nurses to help me. Thus, we decided to spend the money to admit myself into a ward for the two days. Thank God too that a replacement was found and she could come the day after I discharge! What's more, the new lady is a Christian and we could come up with a better arrangement with her than the previous one concerning going for Sunday service. Yeah!
Praise God for healing Joash of jaundice and my recovery from the episiotomy is unexpectedly quick. I am now able to move around without too much pain and I think I am able to attend church this Sunday. Really looking forward to it.
Joash undergoing photo-therapy (Looks like he is sleeping on a scanner... Ha ha)
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Introducing Baby Joash! *Fanfare*
The Birthing Process
0600 hrs
As usual, baby was moving very actively in my tummy and woke me up from sleep once again. Joshua and I were planning to catch a movie that day and I thought that we should start assembling our baby cot soon since baby can come out anytime. Looking at the clock, I figured that it was too early to truly wake up. That was when I felt a tight contraction and something broke within. Instinctively, I jumped out of the bed and went to the bathroom. (To tell the truth, I mentally rehearsed that movement many times as the last thing I want when my water bag breaks is to ruin my super expensive and comfortable memory foam bed! :P) Water tinged with blood gushed out in spurts. Strangely calm, I called out for my husband. With the first contraction, my water bag broke and had a bloody show (the three signs that indicate the beginning of labor. It was clear as day that it was time to call our gynae.
0900 hrs
We reached the delivery room and went through the routine procedures. Our gynae told us to take our time to have breakfast and come down to the hospital when Joshua called him. The contractions were very much like mild menstral cramps and became more painful as time passed. However, since my waters broke, the gynae was worried about infection if we were to take our time with the labor. Thus, he wanted to put me on IV drip to speed up and intensify the labor pains so that the baby can come out faster with fewer complications.
1000 hrs
Everyone in the delivery ward were very professional. No unnecessary comments were made and everything was quick and efficient. That is, all but one senior lady. she sounded as if she was a very experienced person when she tried to put the drip's needle in me, saying that she'll find the nicest vein for me. Since I am a blood donor and not afraid of needles at all, I thought it would go smoothly. To my surprise, she raptured my vein and could neither draw out the necessary blood nor put in the drip as the accumulated liquid formed a small bubble on my hand causing no small amount of pain. I stared at her in disbelief when she reprimanded me for having small veins! (Had an IV drip before and it went smoothly without pain) Talk about the Adam and Eve syndrome when they played the blaming game. *gasp* Another nurse ultimately finished the task skillfully in her stead.
1200 hrs
The gynae came and said that I was 2 cm dilated. This time round, I was prepared when he checked my cervix. He commented that I was doing good etc. (Meaning I didn't scream like the last time lah... ha ha) He came in later again to check on me when I was four cm dilated and I was still coping with the increased pain with breathing techniques. By then, it felt like my usual menstral cramp at its peak. The nurse suggested I use the gas mask to alleviate the pain but all it did was made my giddy when I did try. My friend was right: the mask was quite useless.
1400 hrs
I was 6 cm dilated. The same senior lady came in to tell me that my bladder is too full and it is preventing the baby from coming out. She wanted to drain it. She sent my husband out. First mistake. Joshua was my pillar of support in the intensified pain. She tried putting the tube into my uthrea to drain it and did it in such a rough manner that it hurt, A LOT. The pain could actually distract me from my contractions. Mistake number two. When the next wave of contraction came, I wasn't prepared for it and I started screaming. The lady had the audacity to complain in a very loud voice to her colleagues that I was uncooperative. Then, she even had to tell me that I was a loser to be screaming when I was only 2 cm dilated (she sure didn't have her facts right!) She said that I should have had an epidural knowing that I have such a low threshold for pain. That was simply the GIANT straw that broke the camel's back. I was so upset that I lost control of myself and became delirious with pain. I couldn't stop screaming.
1530 hrs
What happened later was such a blur to me as I was already in "never never land" and seemed to be very far removed from everything that was happening around me. Vaguely, I remember feeling very embarrassed about my screaming and disturbing others with my noise and yet I couldn't do anything about it. I supposed I must have nodded when they asked me if I needed epidural so that I won't cause trouble to my gynae when he finally delivers my baby. However, since I did not pre-book the specialist, we waited for yet another hour before she came to give the anesthetic to me. By that time, I was already 9 cm dilated, with just 1 more cm to go...
1630 hrs
The relief from the pain was quick and very much welcomed. Already trembling with pain before, I started trembling even more due to the side effects of the epidural. But I was grateful that I could stop screaming and became sane after awhile just before the gynae came. He decided for me that I couldn't push the baby out by myself due to the numbness and used a vaccuum suction to get the baby out. That meant an episiotomy which I dreaded. Frankly, I was way too exhausted to care by then. Pity that I was too weak too hold Joash when they first placed him on my chest, bloody and all. At least, I was able to breastfeed him in the delivery room with the help of a nurse. Joash is simply so adorable! I think he has my lips (perhaps also the nose?) and Joshua's everything else... hee hee...
The Aftermath
I remember telling people that I did not fear the labor itself but I fear the difficult recovery from any form of surgical cut such as an episiotomy or a cesarean. I think I'm right. The episiotomy wound hurt like mad especially after the effects of the epidural wore off. It is a pain that surely want to avoid in the future.
More about my experiences as a new mother in the next blog. :)
0600 hrs
As usual, baby was moving very actively in my tummy and woke me up from sleep once again. Joshua and I were planning to catch a movie that day and I thought that we should start assembling our baby cot soon since baby can come out anytime. Looking at the clock, I figured that it was too early to truly wake up. That was when I felt a tight contraction and something broke within. Instinctively, I jumped out of the bed and went to the bathroom. (To tell the truth, I mentally rehearsed that movement many times as the last thing I want when my water bag breaks is to ruin my super expensive and comfortable memory foam bed! :P) Water tinged with blood gushed out in spurts. Strangely calm, I called out for my husband. With the first contraction, my water bag broke and had a bloody show (the three signs that indicate the beginning of labor. It was clear as day that it was time to call our gynae.
0900 hrs
We reached the delivery room and went through the routine procedures. Our gynae told us to take our time to have breakfast and come down to the hospital when Joshua called him. The contractions were very much like mild menstral cramps and became more painful as time passed. However, since my waters broke, the gynae was worried about infection if we were to take our time with the labor. Thus, he wanted to put me on IV drip to speed up and intensify the labor pains so that the baby can come out faster with fewer complications.
1000 hrs
Everyone in the delivery ward were very professional. No unnecessary comments were made and everything was quick and efficient. That is, all but one senior lady. she sounded as if she was a very experienced person when she tried to put the drip's needle in me, saying that she'll find the nicest vein for me. Since I am a blood donor and not afraid of needles at all, I thought it would go smoothly. To my surprise, she raptured my vein and could neither draw out the necessary blood nor put in the drip as the accumulated liquid formed a small bubble on my hand causing no small amount of pain. I stared at her in disbelief when she reprimanded me for having small veins! (Had an IV drip before and it went smoothly without pain) Talk about the Adam and Eve syndrome when they played the blaming game. *gasp* Another nurse ultimately finished the task skillfully in her stead.
1200 hrs
The gynae came and said that I was 2 cm dilated. This time round, I was prepared when he checked my cervix. He commented that I was doing good etc. (Meaning I didn't scream like the last time lah... ha ha) He came in later again to check on me when I was four cm dilated and I was still coping with the increased pain with breathing techniques. By then, it felt like my usual menstral cramp at its peak. The nurse suggested I use the gas mask to alleviate the pain but all it did was made my giddy when I did try. My friend was right: the mask was quite useless.
1400 hrs
I was 6 cm dilated. The same senior lady came in to tell me that my bladder is too full and it is preventing the baby from coming out. She wanted to drain it. She sent my husband out. First mistake. Joshua was my pillar of support in the intensified pain. She tried putting the tube into my uthrea to drain it and did it in such a rough manner that it hurt, A LOT. The pain could actually distract me from my contractions. Mistake number two. When the next wave of contraction came, I wasn't prepared for it and I started screaming. The lady had the audacity to complain in a very loud voice to her colleagues that I was uncooperative. Then, she even had to tell me that I was a loser to be screaming when I was only 2 cm dilated (she sure didn't have her facts right!) She said that I should have had an epidural knowing that I have such a low threshold for pain. That was simply the GIANT straw that broke the camel's back. I was so upset that I lost control of myself and became delirious with pain. I couldn't stop screaming.
1530 hrs
What happened later was such a blur to me as I was already in "never never land" and seemed to be very far removed from everything that was happening around me. Vaguely, I remember feeling very embarrassed about my screaming and disturbing others with my noise and yet I couldn't do anything about it. I supposed I must have nodded when they asked me if I needed epidural so that I won't cause trouble to my gynae when he finally delivers my baby. However, since I did not pre-book the specialist, we waited for yet another hour before she came to give the anesthetic to me. By that time, I was already 9 cm dilated, with just 1 more cm to go...
1630 hrs
The relief from the pain was quick and very much welcomed. Already trembling with pain before, I started trembling even more due to the side effects of the epidural. But I was grateful that I could stop screaming and became sane after awhile just before the gynae came. He decided for me that I couldn't push the baby out by myself due to the numbness and used a vaccuum suction to get the baby out. That meant an episiotomy which I dreaded. Frankly, I was way too exhausted to care by then. Pity that I was too weak too hold Joash when they first placed him on my chest, bloody and all. At least, I was able to breastfeed him in the delivery room with the help of a nurse. Joash is simply so adorable! I think he has my lips (perhaps also the nose?) and Joshua's everything else... hee hee...
The Aftermath
I remember telling people that I did not fear the labor itself but I fear the difficult recovery from any form of surgical cut such as an episiotomy or a cesarean. I think I'm right. The episiotomy wound hurt like mad especially after the effects of the epidural wore off. It is a pain that surely want to avoid in the future.
More about my experiences as a new mother in the next blog. :)
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Looking forward to seeing baby...
It is 4 days to baby's expected due date which is on the 11th of Nov. However, my gynae said that my cervix is still unripe and recommended inducing the labor if labor doesn't start spontaneously before the baby is overdue to avoid potential complications. I've always thought that the baby would come early so inducing is not something I really thought about much. After listening to the process of inducing, the whole thing just seems so complicated.
Although disappointed that it may not be a natural birth, I am growing excited about the prospect of finally seeing my baby. I am trying to brace myself for the pain that I'll have to endure to get him out but I am sure it'll all be worth it. God assures us in Phil. 4:6-7
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. "
I will cling onto His precious promise and follow the gynae's advice: to meditate on Psalm 23 during labor pain. (And perhaps consider having epidural... ha ha!) His philosophy is that the birthing process should be as painless and efficient as possible to keep the suffering of both the mother and baby to the minimum. After much thought and prayer, I have more or less decided that if God allows the labor to begin naturally before my appointment with the gynae this Friday, I'll attempt to go without medication. If I have to be induced, I would then accept the full medical intervention including the epidural. I figured, no point trying to be a hero since inducing will intensify the labor pains...
This feels very much like my A' Levels all over again with all its mental gymnastics for all sort of possibilities and uncertainties. The only difference is that this will be a test of my physical endurance instead of the test of my mental endurance. I'm sure God will bring me through this test as He did many years ago.
I hope that I'll be able to share about my newborn the next time I blog. *grin*
Although disappointed that it may not be a natural birth, I am growing excited about the prospect of finally seeing my baby. I am trying to brace myself for the pain that I'll have to endure to get him out but I am sure it'll all be worth it. God assures us in Phil. 4:6-7
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. "
I will cling onto His precious promise and follow the gynae's advice: to meditate on Psalm 23 during labor pain. (And perhaps consider having epidural... ha ha!) His philosophy is that the birthing process should be as painless and efficient as possible to keep the suffering of both the mother and baby to the minimum. After much thought and prayer, I have more or less decided that if God allows the labor to begin naturally before my appointment with the gynae this Friday, I'll attempt to go without medication. If I have to be induced, I would then accept the full medical intervention including the epidural. I figured, no point trying to be a hero since inducing will intensify the labor pains...
This feels very much like my A' Levels all over again with all its mental gymnastics for all sort of possibilities and uncertainties. The only difference is that this will be a test of my physical endurance instead of the test of my mental endurance. I'm sure God will bring me through this test as He did many years ago.
I hope that I'll be able to share about my newborn the next time I blog. *grin*
Friday, November 2, 2007
Holiday before baby comes
Since starting my maternity leave yesterday, I began to relax more. Really wonderful to catch up on my much needed sleep. Kinda tough to travel now with my big belly so I'm stuck home. But it's okay. More time to spend with God actually...
My university friend visited me last night and I really enjoyed her company. *grin* It had been really long since we caught up with each other... I guess we were really so busy with our own lives. Had lots of fun showing her all the photos of my wedding and the honeymoon video I created. We laughed like schoolgirls at the silly antics of my cute cuddly bear of a husband! Maybe I should post it on Youtube for all to enjoy! (ha ha) But must ask his permission first. :P
Joshua and I had been playing the one and only computer game we ever bother to play in our lives "仙剑奇侠传" edition number 4!!! (fanfare) It is really nostalgic as we played together the first few editions together years back when we were just buddies at his parent's place. I fondly remember the times when we looked forward to school holidays so that we could have fun together. In fact, there was once when he was out of job and I was having my term break, we played the game together so much that his mum was worried that we were addicted to it! (ha ha) Dun worry, Mum, we were just trying to complete the game before my term break ended and he found a job. :)
Joshua and I are simply unbeatable together at this game: I've great sense of directions and can maneuver around the uncharted territory effortlessly just by looking at the map and scour the land for all treasures that can be found. Whereas he takes a mighty long time just to get his bearings. However, Josh has a great memory for all the details regarding the skills of the character and the monsters. He knows what will kill what effectively and when to use what technique and so on and so forth. And me? I can't, for the life of me, remember them and when I tried to fight the battle without him, I get myself killed by the creatures in no time. So with our powers combined, we're invincible! (Bwahahahaha!) God is simply so marvelous to put us together. We just complement each other so much!
I really thank God that I'm able to do more of the housework these days with more rest. Poor hubby! He had to do most of the chores throughout my pregnancy cos I really had been physically drained from the hundred and one discomforts I experienced daily. And the ailments were never the same for long! Good thing that the Lord's mercies are new everyday too... (ha ha) But I must say that seeing him doing the chores as an act of the will for me warms my heart. (He hates chores btw) My husband really loves me soooo much! I really pray that I can go back to cooking decent meals for him after I become a full-time homemaker. I really miss cooking especially since it is just so rewarding to cook for my hubby since he likes my cooking so much... *beaming* I can't believe that he even likes it when I cook instant noodles for him! (That's the only thing I am up to cooking these days :P)
Josh has been taking me out for romantic escapades to spend couple-time before our baby arrives. We went to Labrador Park, our favorite "pak-tor" place and a super nice restaurant for a candle light dinner. We even watched a movie marathon once. I really love where we stay! With West Mall 5 min's walk away, we don't have to worry about traveling home after midnight movies!
Okay, enough rambling... Looking forward to spending the whole of tomorrow with bear bear (that's what I call him... and I'm his meow meow *swoon*) It's really wonderful that he doesn't have to work on Saturdays. God is so good to us!
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