"A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control."
Proverbs 29:11
Proverbs 29:11
I've a fatal flaw called a quick temper... no... make it a VIOLENT temper. When I was a teenager, I could not control my anger and became destructive when provoked. I know what I am capable: I ever held a knife to chase after my brother, threw a table at my classmate, threw things out of the window and even punched the wall till I bled. It was until I accepted Christ that God slowly took hold of my anger and kept it under check as I gradually surrender control of my raging emotions to His Lordship.
A decade later, with almost no sleep at all for the past 2 and a half weeks, the fiery monster that lies domain for years threatens to unleash itself once again. I usually don't function very well when I lack sleep. It also happens that Joash is very sensitive to guests in the house and usually will be unable to sleep peacefully and will continue to be fussy long after the guests have gone home. Once when my brother and his girlfriend visited us, the two of them did not even make any sound as they went into his room to watch him sleep. Somehow, Joash sensed their presence and woke up and started to cry. The only thing that can calm my baby down is nursing him for long hours which is more tiring for me than when I used to jog around Mount Faber for an hour. ほんとつかれた! [Jap for 'really tiring']
As much as Joshua and I love visitors, we are simply exhausted by the effort it takes to soothe Joash when the guests have left. We can only brace ourselves for yet another sleepless night whenever we expect to entertain guests....
That's where the challenge comes in.
Sometimes, guests dropped by totally UNANNOUNCED and a few times it occurred after I finally managed to put Joash to bed and was really looking forward to one or two hours of rest. When that happened (even after we asked the guests to at least let us know in advance so that we can prepare ourselves mentally for no rest that night) I could feel my age-old fiend rise up and threaten to consume me. (sounds like Naruto with his nine-tail fox monster sealed within him LOL) I had visions of myself screaming at the guests to get lost or throwing my baby at them!!!
It was purely by the grace of God that I did none of that. I'm not sure how but when my heart cried out to God to help me control my anger, He supplied me with a strange calm within and I was amazed that I could be civil and entertain the guest as per normal even! I'm so grateful to God for keeping my rage reigned in.
As I shared this with Joshua, we prayed that God will continue to help me be of good testimony even when I am pressed on all sides. Thank God that I managed to keep a cool head even when Joshua forgot to turn off the stove and burnt the soup and forgot to cover Joash's private part while changing his diapers resulting in generous sprays of "blessings" all over the place. God simply reminded me that Joshua is at least as tired as I am.
Tough as it is, this period of time, God has taught me many lessons in dependence upon Him. Would you pray with me that things would eventually get better? :)
A decade later, with almost no sleep at all for the past 2 and a half weeks, the fiery monster that lies domain for years threatens to unleash itself once again. I usually don't function very well when I lack sleep. It also happens that Joash is very sensitive to guests in the house and usually will be unable to sleep peacefully and will continue to be fussy long after the guests have gone home. Once when my brother and his girlfriend visited us, the two of them did not even make any sound as they went into his room to watch him sleep. Somehow, Joash sensed their presence and woke up and started to cry. The only thing that can calm my baby down is nursing him for long hours which is more tiring for me than when I used to jog around Mount Faber for an hour. ほんとつかれた! [Jap for 'really tiring']
As much as Joshua and I love visitors, we are simply exhausted by the effort it takes to soothe Joash when the guests have left. We can only brace ourselves for yet another sleepless night whenever we expect to entertain guests....
That's where the challenge comes in.
Sometimes, guests dropped by totally UNANNOUNCED and a few times it occurred after I finally managed to put Joash to bed and was really looking forward to one or two hours of rest. When that happened (even after we asked the guests to at least let us know in advance so that we can prepare ourselves mentally for no rest that night) I could feel my age-old fiend rise up and threaten to consume me. (sounds like Naruto with his nine-tail fox monster sealed within him LOL) I had visions of myself screaming at the guests to get lost or throwing my baby at them!!!
It was purely by the grace of God that I did none of that. I'm not sure how but when my heart cried out to God to help me control my anger, He supplied me with a strange calm within and I was amazed that I could be civil and entertain the guest as per normal even! I'm so grateful to God for keeping my rage reigned in.
As I shared this with Joshua, we prayed that God will continue to help me be of good testimony even when I am pressed on all sides. Thank God that I managed to keep a cool head even when Joshua forgot to turn off the stove and burnt the soup and forgot to cover Joash's private part while changing his diapers resulting in generous sprays of "blessings" all over the place. God simply reminded me that Joshua is at least as tired as I am.
Tough as it is, this period of time, God has taught me many lessons in dependence upon Him. Would you pray with me that things would eventually get better? :)
No comments:
Post a Comment